WARNING: THERE IS ADULT CONTENT IN THIS POST
Grammy is coming! Grammy is coming! Grammy is coming!
I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!
The depth of my love and respect for Dork Dad’s mom is worthy of a whole other post, but for now let’s just say that I beg this woman not leave every single time she comes to visit. So far it hasn’t worked, but just wait until the Pope of Poop can talk! No – I am not above training my baby to beg his Grammy to stay. Emotional warfare people, it works!
Here’s the big scoop though – Dork Dad and I are bustin out! That’s right – we are out of here for 24 whole hours. It is going to be amazing.
I have an appointment for a Post Partum massage and treatment at The Mom Spa and then we’re going to lunch and a movie. Oh, but that’s not all – then we will check into the Cathedral Suite (named for the ceilings) of a boutique hotel downtown and I will take a ridiculously long bath in the two person jet tub and Dork Dad will take a GUILT FREE NAP. We have dinner reservations at a fabulous restaurant and then we’ll probably either have a drink at their super posh bar or walk somewhere else swanky to live it up before heading back to the hotel room for…
Ok – here is where it gets tricky. My sex drive died pretty much as soon as the morning sickness kicked in and it never really came back during my pregnancy. Dork Dad was amazing about this. He totally understood that it was the hormones and not him at all. (Yes, I know exactly how lucky I am) Then you add in an emergency c-section and the post partum depression and – you guessed it – this will be the first time we have had sex in almost a year.
Yeah, you read that right, A YEAR.
I am more nervous about this than I have ever been about sex. Ever. He keeps telling me not to be, it won’t last that long. Which is funny – and probably true, I mean the guy has been waiting for a loooong time. And yet…
I haven’t lost the weight. I’m pumping so my breasts are always sore or leaking or both. My doctor told me to get lubricant, which made me weirdly nervous. What if it hurts? What if the spark is gone? What if he isn’t attracted to me past that first time? What if it isn’t as good? What if there are weird breast milk issues? And the big one – WHAT IF I GET PREGNANT AGAIN???
I was on Depo when we got preggers with the Duke of Diapers. I’m on the mini-pill now and I am taking it religiously, but what if???
I’m sure that none of these things will matter. We love each other, we’ll get a little toasted and after the initial awkwardness of not having done this in so long we’ll be fine.