I took a double dose of my Zoloft* and cried myself to sleep. After a pretty sleepless night himself Dork Dad spent the wee hours of the morning looking after me and the baby.
In the morning he asked if there was anything he could do for me. I said I needed Kellythebestbabysitterever for the full day instead of a half. His response? Whatever you need. Then I had to admit it, “I’m worried about being alone with him”. His response? To put his arms around me and tell me he loves me.
Kelly is here now. He’s a little out of sorts and extra fussy, but she has the sitter magic and can cajole and tease and tickle until he smiles and giggles again. I can hear them through the door to the office and the guilt sticks like molasses in my throat. She can only stay until two, so Dork Dad is coming home to watch over us
I’m getting work done. I can fake it over the phone – although it is exhausting. I keep reminding myself to breathe and re-center. I lost half of this blog to a computer glitch, but I just drank some coffee and started again because this man, kiddos… THIS MAN.
I have a great family and truly amazing friends. I have a wonderful doctor and we have a plan to make sure that I don’t run out of meds again. I have a babysitter that I like and trust and who adores my child. I have medication to help me and I have all of you to listen and talk to. But I could not make it without that man. .
There are no words to describe how much I love him or all the ways in which I need him. No words for how I want him or how I respect him. No words for how he brightens my life or the kind of father he is. I’ve got nothin’.
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