I’m actually writing this on Friday as Dork Dad plays his dorky game online with his dorky friends and the leftovers sit on the stove, mocking me. Super sexy right?
Here’s the confession part – we didn’t have sex for four months. Before that we didn’t have it for around nine months. It’s been a loooong dry spell.
Unlike every other woman on the internet my sex drive plummeted during pregnancy. I had a brief period of being supercrazywantitallthetime and then it was just NO. I was nauseous and gassy and huge and I had to pee every two seconds and I did NOT want to have to get naked and do anything. Then your Tiny Tyrant made his debut and started earning that nickname and there was no time, no energy and no real desire. I thought that the desire would come back when the time and the energy did. That took MONTHS. By the time we got the baby sleeping on any sort of a schedule I was so far down the Postpartum Depression rabbit hole having sex seemed like climbing Mount Everest. It would be a great thing to accomplish in life, but was it really worth it?
Now TT is sleeping straight through the night. I’m on drugs and seeing a therapist and working out regularly. Dork Dad is back to his routine of friends and games and workouts. Things have settled… well, as much as they’re going to settle in a house with three nut jobs. And it still wasn’t happening. He would make advances and I would back away like a skittish pony.
Finally I’d had enough of myself. I was done feeling scared and worried and guilty. So I did what I always do – I asked the OMC. I posted a question on one of my mommy boards asking if this had happened to anyone else. It had happened to SO MANY COUPLES! Of course I knew that somewhere in the back of my mind, but to have other people confirm it made a huge difference to me. All of a sudden I was not failing Dork Dad, I was just one of many women trying to adjust to all of the changes. We were normal.
And so I took their advice and we penciled it in. We made a plan: Fridays after TT went to sleep, but before dinner. I know – suuuuuper sexy. But you know what? It worked. All day long I kept thinking about it. Should I try and get out of it? Would it be ok? Do I even feel sexy? What the hell does sexy feel like? It didn’t help that I spent the day with a clingy, runny nosed, teething 8 month old.
And yet… When the time came it was wonderful. Dork Dad was wonderful. WE were wonderful together. I just love that man so damn much. And you know what? He loves me too. And that made it all ok. That made the waiting and the nerves and the fear and the guilt all fade into the background.
So maybe for a while we’ll need to use a calendar to bring the sexy back into our lives. I’m fine with that. Now I have a reason to look forward to Fridays again!
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