This is a guest post from a friend of mine. She is an amazing woman who is full of love, faith and strength. She amazes me every day. She asked me to post this anonymously and I agreed because I love and respect her.
*** TRIGGER WARNING*** This post deals with rape and abuse. If that could trigger you please be careful reading.
Is it abuse? Is it blown out of
proportion? Is it no means no? Is it the way he looked at my vagina, like an
inspector instead of a lover? Is it how
long is this going to take because I’m tired and sore and not enjoying this
anymore? Is it you want to and I don’t
but we are anyway? Is it when I said,
“Stop being so rough.” and you got rougher and tore me and then asked if I
could hang in there a little longer so you could finish? Is it I was 13 and you were 14 and I didn’t
know any better but I trusted you? Is it
abuse? Is it neglect? Is it me, saying
that is ok or that was ok but this isn’t ok, bargaining with myself. Is this vagina mine? These breasts are mine? This anus and rectum, mine? When I said, “I don’t like that.” And fled
your bed in to the street because you wouldn’t stop trying to probe every
orifice? When you screamed at me in the
street, “You BITCH, I was going to take you to breakfast!” I should be as safe in your bed as my own,
right? Or the aftermath of an enjoyable,
energetic romp, when he said, “You are the kind of girl I like to fuck. Amy is the kind of girl I like to date.” and
I felt nausea rise and humiliation crawl across my neck. Is this my body that has made a baby, that
violently ejected a baby from my vagina just 6 short weeks ago, I was
lacerated, stretched, torn, demolished, and ripped and now you want me to just
try, just try to see if it hurts too much?
It probably is going to hurt too much.
My vagina that has been threatened by ownership, in a tender moment, has
become yours? Is this mine? Right here where my fingers are, no one
touches this but me right because it belongs to me? What?
No, no one else is touching there because I respect us, and you, and
myself. But it is not yours. It is mine.
It is mine. It was mine. It WAS mine.
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