I’m about to go on a rant/whine. It will probably not be pretty and you really don’t need any more whininess in your life so you should really just move on.
I’m sick again or I’m sick still… it really makes no difference. I’m at the level of sick where I am convinced that I will never feel good again and I am losing it. Really. I want my money back. I want to get off of this ride. I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ADULT ANYMORE.
I am my entire company. Sometimes this is a wonderful thing, but just now it sucks so hard. There is no taking a sick day. There is no slacking off. There is no closing time or being off the clock. There is no one to pass the work over to. There is no stopping and there is no rest.
I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted at a level that I haven’t been since Snot Monster went through his epic no sleeping phase. I sleep, but I don’t feel better. I take medicine, but I don’t feel better. Some days are worse, some days are even worse than that, and still I DON’T FEEL BETTER.
I’m planning Thanksgiving and I’m planning Dork Dad’s birthday and I’m working for a new client and none of those are fun because I feel like shit. Every day. All day long. It’s making me crazy.
It was almost a month ago that I got some crazy stomach flu that knocked me out for almost a week. I spent the entire time panicked that I was letting something fall through the cracks, worried about how much extra Dork Dad was taking on and trying to prep for my inlaws to come visit. I actually felt good for their visit. It was fun and I was looking forward to getting some rest after they left and then Snot Monster took over my sweet baby. Croup turned into a standard cold which has now settled onto both of us. I drugged and powered through the worst of it. I made sure that Dork Dad got his day off the weekend before last and the time change bit us in the ass, but I tried to make sure he got extra sleep last weekend too. I’m trying to be fair.
One week of feeling healthy but exhausted out of the last five weeks is not enough. I have no idea what to do. I just need it all to stop. I’m trying to keep things in perspective and I’m trying to focus on the good but I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want to crawl into a nice dark hole somewhere with tomato soup and grilled cheese and ice cream and TV and SILENCE where I can take medicine and sleep. I’m tired of pain and weakness, of aches and slogging through a never ending to do list with no energy.
In about four weeks things should lighten up. If I live until then I should be able to maybe take a break for a day.