Babies. I wants one.
Yes, I know I already have one, I mean I want another one. Dork Dad seems amenable to the idea in a general way. Is that because he knows it will mean more sex for him? Probably. He also just doesn’t get as totally terrified about things as I do. People who are mentally stable tend to be, well, mentally stable. Go figure.
Here’s my thinking: so far we have not totally screwed up this kid. We seem to be able to do this. I hated being an only child. Dork Dad loved having a little brother. We both want the Snot Monster to have a sibling. Yes, it’s expensive and I could totally lose my mind again. But… we’re not done. That’s just it. I know we aren’t done yet. I’ve known it for a while now.
So now what?
Well, this is where it gets complicated. This is also where I start over thinking, over planning and completely freaking out.
My OB/GYN wants me to lose 10-15lbs before we start actively trying. I had some serious blood pressure issues last time that we want to try to avoid as naturally as possible. She also wanted me to know that I would probably need a C-Section again* and that I may not be able to carry the full 40, but that will all be a wait and see kind of thing.
My therapist wants me to prepare myself and my family as much as possible for the worst case scenario – stronger PPD and Anxiety. I didn’t show any signs of Psychosis or Intrusive thoughts last time, but we need a plan for that eventuality.
I’ve been making lists in my head. I make them in my head because if I make them on paper then they’ll become plans. If they become plans then we’ll end up with a baby. We can’t have a baby! We barely survived the first one and there’s no way that we are not totally screwing this kid up every day.
Master List of Lists:
- Lose weight and get healthy for conception
- Gain healthy weight during pregnancy
- Things needed for new baby
- Save for things for new baby
- Birth Plan
- AFTER Birth Plan (longest list)
- Reasons I want to try and breastfeed
- Reasons I should not try and breastfeed
- Learn to be selfish for baby and for me
- Things to blog about
- Doula – what we want/need from one
- Ways to prepare Snot Monster for a sibling
- Ways to automate my business
* A post about my C-Section will be coming later. It was necessary and I actually want another one. Please don’t leave comments about how I can avoid one. It triggers a lot of guilt for me.