I call my son The Little Monster. He used to be The Tiny Tyrant, but he’s a huge toddler now, so tiny no longer works, despite his tyrannical tendencies.
I’m pregnant now with Super Ninja. She sneaks up on my bladder and attacks with lightning speed. I’m only 28 weeks in but I change underwear a couple times a day and sometimes wear pads when I know I have to be out of the house for a while. Don’t be jealous.
After LM was born I got really, really sick. Postpartum Depression and Anxiety KICKED MY ASS. It took months of therapy and drugs to get me mostly back to myself and this pregnancy has been a huge leap of faith.
My first pregnancy sucked. Early motherhood sucked. This pregnancy has sucked so far. (There’s been fun with dehydration and hospitalization.) I’m doing all I can so that early motherhood with my daughter won’t suck as much as it did with my son.
For moms who get sick, for moms who don’t, for the ones with no help and the ones with armies at their backs, for the ones who stay at home and the ones who go back to work there is a truth that is still taboo: a lot of this sucks. It sucks hard.
Every mother that I know is hurt and pissed and annoyed about something having to do with her pregnancy, her birth experience and/or her baby/toddler/child. Yes, even the super crunchy all-vegan-everything, orgasmic water birthing, yoga moms. Even the moms who underwent IVF and fought for YEARS to be able to carry their babies end up with sore nipples and no sleep and food thrown on their clothes just as they were about to walk out the door for work. Even the moms who breezed through pregnancy eventually had to poop for the first time after labor. Even the moms who are so in love with their little ones that sometimes they can’t breathe may also have c-section scars that mean sometimes they can’t bend over.
So here’s what I’m going to do. When he pisses me off I’m just going to say it. When she kicks me so hard I have internal bruising I’m going to say it. When I get scared that I’ll lose myself again after SN is born I’m going to say that too. No more self editing and no more qualifying. I am going to assume that you all know that I love my kids. I am going to assume that you all love your kids too. I am going to assume love.
So feel free to rant and rave in the comments. Be petty, be picky. Whine. Get it out. Because this shit is hard and sometimes it sucks. We get to say that. We have to live it, so we get to say it.